Finding Purpose

Being Highly Sensitive can mean that we have a deeper need for meaning and purpose in our lives. In this post, I will share some ways for finding purpose and reach our goals.

"If you can tune into your purpose and really align with it, setting goals so that your vision is an expression of that purpose, then life flows much more easily.”

– Jack Canfield

Ikigai (pronunced ee-key-guy) is a Japanese concept that combines the terms iki, meaning “alive” or “life,” and gai, meaning “benefit” or “worth.” Ikigai is similar to the French term “raison d’etre” or “reason for being” and is all about connecting with your purpose.

It consists of the following areas:

What you love
What you are good at
What the world needs
What you can be paid for

There is no single ikigai for all people. Instead, we must each search for our own path to joy, curiosity, passion, and our reason for getting up each morning.

Download Worksheet as PDF

The following questions provide useful prompts for answering the four criteria:

Question 1: What do you love?

What do you never get bored with?
When do you feel happiest?
What were you doing when you last lost track of time?
In the past, what has left you feeling energized?
What would you continue to do even if you did not get paid?

Question 2: What are you good at?

What do people approach you for help with?
What skills or talents come naturally to you?
What do you excel at even when you are not trying?
What parts of your current job come to you easily?
In what activity do you excel in your social circle, workplace, or community?

Question 3: What can you get paid for?

What would you be doing if you were not in your current job?
Can you make a good living doing this work in the long term?
What does the competition look like? Can you spot a niche?
Which jobs, positions, or tasks spark your interest?
Are you already making a good living in your line of work?

Question 4: What does the world need?

What can you do or offer that would bring meaning to others?
What problems in your society would you like to help solve?
Will your work still be relevant a decade from now?
What is the world lacking?
How could you be more involved in your community?

At the intersection of what you love and what you are good at is your passion.

At the intersection of what you love and what the world needs is your mission.

At the intersection of what the world needs and what you can get paid for is your vocation.

At the intersection of what you are good at and what you can get paid for is your profession.

Vision Boards are a simple way to visualize our Goals

The idea behind a vision board is to create a visual representation of what we want to accomplish.

It usually consists of images, quotes, and other inspirational items that act as daily reminders of your goals.

"The heart of human excellence often begins to beat when you discover a pursuit that absorbs you, frees you, challenges you, or gives you a sense of meaning, joy, or passion.”

– Terry Orlick

Self-Compassion

“Self-Compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”

– Chris Germer

Being empathetic is an innate part of being sensitive, and with that comes an enormous capacity for compassion. Compassion for others seems to come easier for many people, and especially to highly sensitive people. Giving compassion to ourselves can feel very unfamiliar.

Although extending kindness and caring to others often comes easily, having the same level of self-love and kindness for ourselves can be hard. It’s not always something that is taught or modelled for us, and so we neglect ourselves.

There are many simple ways to practice self compassion in our daily lives. Chris Germer and Kristen Neff at the Center for Mindful Self-Compassion offer some wonderful examples. One that I use often is to simply breath. As you become aware of your breath, on each in-breath, inhale compassion for yourself. If it feels accessible, then you can exhale compassion to others.

Here’s a few more simple ways that we can practice compassion for ourselves:

Self Compassion in Daily Life Download PDF

If we are able to experience compassion for ourselves then we might have access to even more compassion to give to others. We can give from the overflow and not from an empty bucket.

How easy (or hard) do you find it to show some loving-kindness to yourself?
Do you give from an empty bucket or from the overflow?

Am I Highly Sensitive?

It’s overly simplistic to say there are people who are sensitive and those who are not. High sensitivity exists on a spectrum with around 20% of the population (1 in 5 people) being highly sensitive, and is found equally in males and females.

The questions below are based on the extensive work and research of Dr. Elaine N Aron, the author of The Highly Sensitive Person. It is a very good indicator as to whether you relate to the traits of a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP).
If you answer YES to 12 or more of the statements, it is very likely you are a Highly Sensitive Person:

Depth of Processing
1. I tend to think deeply about things and need time to process or analyze situations before I respond
2. I am self-aware and have a rich, complex inner life
3. I consider myself to be a perfectionist and can be very self-critical
4. I am conscientious and try hard to avoid making mistakes or forgetting things
5. I often day dream, and get lost in my own thoughts or fantasy
Overstimulation
1. I am easily overwhelmed by too much going on in the world around me (eg bright lights, loud noises, crowded places)
2. I feel uncomfortable when I have too many tasks or too much going on at once
3. I need to withdraw after a busy day into a place where I can recharge
4. I enjoy time alone and need plenty of downtime
5. I can be prone to overwhelm, burnout or anxiety when in more ‘toxic’ or challenging circumstances
Emotional Intensity and Empathy
1. I have a deep and diverse emotional landscape
2. I am easily impacted by the mood or emotions of other people & often absorb others energy
3. I am very aware and attuned to the needs of others
4. When I see other people in physical or emotional pain, I also feel their pain
5. I am conflict averse because conflicts can be so painful
Sensitivity to Subtleties
1. I feel deeply connected and moved by nature
2. When I am being observed or need to compete, I get easily anxious or don’t perform as well as I normally would
3. I struggle with changes in my life. It can take me more time to adapt to change. For example, a vacation can be difficult
4. I seem to be aware of subtle changes in my inner, and external, environment
5. I am deeply moved by beauty and the finer things, such as music, food, a sunset.
Other criteria that may resonante:
1. I may be particularly sensitive to caffeine, alcohol and/or pain medications, and only require very small amounts.
2. I can get really agitated if I am too hungry. HSPs tend to be more affected by smaller changes in blood sugar levels and get hangry if they haven’t eaten.
3. I carefully select my clothing to avoid scratchy clothing or uncomfortable material, and might need to adjust my outfit it it doesn’t feel right.
4. I have been called ‘shy’ or ‘anxious’, especially as a child, and frequently feel misunderstood.

Note: this is not a diagnostic tool, and being highly sensitive is not a disorder or a disease.
I have found that identifying these unique traits in ourselves is an empowering process rather than a label that acts to limit or define our potential. Being aware of who we are helps direct us towards receiving the appropriate guidance and support as we navigate our way through life. It also enables us to identify and cultivate our unique strengths and gifts

Used with permission from Dr Elaine Aron. Find out more at www.hsperson.com.

Doing Self Care vs Being Self Care

For highly sensitive people, self care is extremely important.

“The practice of taking action to preserve or improve one’s health.”
Oxford dictionary

Self care can involve many factors, including emotional, physical, mental and spiritual health, and will look different from one person to the next. Some examples of self care might include:

Taking care of your body – eating healthily and exercising;
Getting sufficient sleep and understanding when you need to take a break;
reading or journaling, or any kind of creative activities.
Scheduling visits to the doctor, dentist and other wellness practitioners.
Acknowledging any long-term health conditions and dealing with them;
Spending time with family and friends; travelling.
Understanding your boundaries and knowing when to say “No”.
Accurately assessing what you can and can’t do;

However, sometimes we can get so absorbed in our to-do list of ‘self-care’ that it actually becomes anything but caring. We’re so busy doing self-care that we stop being self-caring.

How about the times when we eat fast-food, or don’t work out, or we stay up late to watch a show instead of getting the sleep that we know we need, or forget the pile of laundry, or can’t be bothered to vacuum, or stack the dishes. Instead of showing kindness and compassion to ourselves, and accepting that we are only human, we treat ourselves badly and do the opposite.

Instead of focusing too much on all the things we should be doing, perhaps treat yourself to some time to do what you want to do first. It’s still important to do the things that really need to be done, but how about the things that you want to do? As a lovely friend puts it, she lets herself “get away with things”. What a wonderful gift to ourselves!

When was the last time that you let yourself get away with something?

Are You Still Hiding?

“It is a joy to be hidden, and disaster not to be found.” — D.W. Winnicott

“What’s wrong now?”. “What are you crying for?”. “Suck it up!” – sound familiar?

“ A child can experience her feelings only when there is somebody there who accepts her fully, understands her, and supports her. If that person is missing, if the child must risk losing the mother’s love or the love of her substitute in order to feel, then she will repress emotions.”
Alice Miller, The Drama of the Gifted Child: The Search for the True Self

Sadly, it is often the case that as children our sensitivity created a ‘problem’. We were well aware that we were ‘different’ but did not understand why. We struggled to cope with the overwhelming nature of being so much, and perhaps lacked an understanding, empathetic witness who could provide the accompaniment that we needed to safely explore the true depths of our inner world.

Feeling everything on such a deep level is overwhelming. If our tears were met with contempt, anger, frustration, impatience, or in any way that registered as ‘unwelcome’ to us, then it makes sense that we would learn not to show our true feelings, for fear of rejection.

We learned to hide in plain sight, dimming our bright lights in order to fit in, to survive. Often we were labelled as ‘quiet’ or ‘shy’ and left to manage our sensitive nature alone. We might have developed maladaptive ways to cope, such as dissociation, avoidance, denial; or perhaps we listened to these harsh voices and internalized them as truth.

If this was true for you, then I am sorry this happened to you.

In what ways are you still hiding?

Courage

'The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.' - Carl Jung

I think Highly Sensitive Sensation Seekers are some of the most courageous people that I know.

Trying to satisfy this huge drive to do more, to reach further, to climb higher whilst having the capacity to look inwards so deeply, and to have such immense curiosity requires tremendous courage. The risk of overwhelming the highly sensitive aspects is a constant struggle and yet we keep seeking.

Often this sense of being “too much” causes us to dim our bright light in order to fit in, essentially for survival.

In order to thrive and really embrace these traits, it’s important to acknowledge and accept the impacts (both positive and negative) that being a sensation seeking HSP has had in our lives. By choosing this path to inner healing and following our inner guidance we have limitless potential to achieve more.

It’s important to honour the difficult experiences and decisions that have brought us to where we are. We need to feel pride in ourselves for being the unique bodacious multi-dimension human souls that we are.

Is there a path you’ve taken or decision that you’ve made in your life that took tremendous courage?

Why Am I So Hard On Myself?

As a highly sensitive person I feel acutely and intuitive aware of the subtleties in life – the tiny details. Details, that probably go unnoticed by the majority of people, are glaringly obvious to me. It’s hard to settle for ‘good enough’; I expect more. As a high sensation seeker I am always driven – I call it being a ‘more’ person.

Being a HSP and a HSS, I am intuitively driven to seek more, to learn more, to climb higher, to travel further, to dig deeper, to push myself to the limit and beyond, while also acutely aware of the risks in doing so. I can be incredibly impatient to feed this drive for more, but also need to acknowledge that there is a need for safety and recognition of the risks.

For me, Perfectionism goes hand-in-hand with this drive for more, and the high standards I set for myself. Intuitively ‘knowing’ what feels ‘just right’, and unwilling to settle for anything less; enjoying the rush of success at achieving that perfect sweet spot.

On the positive side this can be highly motivating, exciting and wonderfully stimulating. On the negative side, this can really feed into the voice of my harsh inner critic, that wants to protect, fears change and can overwhelm me.

It takes mindful awareness to bring balance to the positive and the negative aspects, so that I can stay motivated and not overwhelmed by the minute details. It takes effort to be accepting when ‘good enough’ is sufficient, and not “sweat the small stuff”.

I’m a visual person, so I like to use the analogy of balancing on a high tightrope, with boredom on one side and overwhelm on the other, while juggling. At times I can keep many balls in the air, but at other times I need to throw a few balls over my shoulder and just focus on one, or risk falling.

It’s vital to build awareness and acceptance that I’m only an imperfect human, when all’s said and done, and my best is good enough.

"Life calls not for perfection, but for completeness." - Carl Jung

HSS?

What does it mean to be a High Sensation Seeker?

Sensation seeking encompasses the drive for varied, novel & complex experiences. Canadian psychologist Marvin Zuckerman pioneered modern sensation seeking research and developed the Sensation Seeking Scale (SSS).

“sensation seeking is a personality trait defined by the search for experiences and feelings that are varied, novel, complex, and intense, and by the readiness to take physical, social, legal, and financial risks for the sake of such experiences.”
Marvin Zuckerman

Zuckerman identified 4 distinct components:

seeking varied, novel and complex experiences
thrill and adventure seeking
disinhibition and impulsivity
boredom susceptibility

Are you a High Sensation Seeker?

Do you struggle with boredom and prefer new experiences over repetition? Do you crave novelty, and often seek higher levels of stimulation or risk?
Recognizing that these are parts of you, and they make sense, can be extremely validating.
Connecting with others who also understand this immense drive for stimulation and novelty can also be very validating.

Get in touch

HSP&HSS?

Being a High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person has been described as the ‘golden ticket’.

How to manage being both HSP & HSS?

How do you juggle both of these traits of being a highly sensitive person who is also a high sensation seeker?
Dr Elaine Aron describes it using the analogy of living with “one foot on the gas, one foot on the brake”.

An analogy that I use is that it’s like being on a tightrope, balancing boredom on one side and overwhelm on the other, while on a unicycle and juggling multiple flaming torches at the same time.

It requires constant awareness to not overwhelm the HSP while providing sufficient novelty and stimulation for the HSS. Not a simple task, but when done right there is no limit to the multi-dimensional heights that can be reached.

Are you a High Sensation Seeking Highly Sensitive Person?

Do you feel and think very deeply?
Do you struggle with boredom and prefer new experiences over repetition?
Do you crave novelty, and often seek higher levels of stimulation but then feel overwhelmed?
Recognizing that these are parts of you, and they make sense, can be extremely validating.
Connecting with others who also understand this immense drive for stimulation and novelty can also be very validating.

Get in touch

HSP?

What does it mean to be a Highly Sensitive Person?

High Sensitivity (also called Sensory Processing Sensitivity), is a series of character traits that combine to make a unique way that some people experience the world. 20-30% of the populate are considered highly sensitive, although not all of those people ever actually recognize themselves as such.

The main characteristics can be easily remembered using the acronym DOES:

Depth of processing – HSP are often considered to have a complex inner world, and to process information at a deeper level. We tend to ruminate more than others and have an overactive mind.

Overstimulation – we are easily overwhelmed when there is a lot happening around us, for example, if the environment is noisy, crowded, too bright or has lots of stimulus. HSP will often need time alone to de-stress and process when there is a lot happening around them.

Empathy and Emotional reactivity – HSP are very empathic and compassionate. We are often highly intuitive, and can respond to their environment with deep emotions, which can also contribute to feelings of overwhelm.

Sensitivity to subtleties – HSP are more aware of subtle changes happening externally (eg noise, bright lights, strong smells) and also internally, (for example thoughts, feelings and bodily sensations). We often feel very connected to nature, but can be prone to anxiety and burnout in more challenging situations.

There are some common areas where many HSP might struggle. These include feelings of overwhelm or even burnout, difficulty managing boundaries, strong inner critic, perfectionism and a deep longing for meaning or purpose in life.

On a practical note, being so deeply aware and processing so much on such a deep level, can be exhausting. It’s common with HSP to need more rest and benefit from making self-care a high priority.

What does being a highly sensitive person mean to you?

Are you a deep thinker, who struggles with perfectionism and have a longing for meaning or purpose in life?
Are you very intuitive and empathetic, but struggle with boundaries and are prone to overwhelm?
Are you often overwhelmed by strong smells, bright lights, loud noises?
Are you drawn to nature, and love to be outside?

Get In Touch